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Its oficial! I suck at chess and I'm not proud of it. I have been falling for tricks which I could see through at a point. Fell for the 4 step checkmate at a point. Don't remember how to counter a simple trap and above all I lost about a year of practise, all went down in the drain despite playing constantly for a while.

Now I'll relate this to a diffeerent aspect. In life, even when you feel you're on top you can feel that in a single moment you'll come crashing. Sometimes, you won't even realise it. I only realise I crashed at the end of this year. But then again, its human to crash but at the same time, a loser stays down a winner picks himself up despite the amount of setbacks and learn the ropes all over again and vow to be better.

Isn't that how we were meant to be to in our christian life? Backsliding isn't a one time hit asteroid falling from the earth. It's a gradual thing; like erosion of rocks. It just erodes slowly; after time. Realization is the first step. Taking action the second.

Dude get a grip!

I realized recently I have been complaining. All the small things in life I have been complaining. I wish I could stop complaining; but on the other hand it's almost human to complain. Complaining by far after much thought and consideration is considered as cowardly. They do not wish to go through changes or to suffer.

poems about worry

as I was looking
as I was finding
as I was waiting
as I was searching
all I could find
was a part of myself
that didnt even know existed
yet I looked at thyself
And asked.....
Where am I God? What do I seek? I don't even know... (sigh I wish I knew)

As i am reaching for the light,
That seemed so bright,
A cloud came along bit by bit ,
Engulfing it...... so close yet so far

As I laid in the dark
In a really empty park
wating for kindness
wating for a helping hand
to bring me out of misery
all I could see was a man
walking straight to me
looking straight into my eyes
observing that pleading look
like reading a book
yet he turned away
and merely laughed
all the way

yet I did not curse
I did not scream in anger
I did not punish those insolent fools
who was unaware of what they did
that was the patience I had
that was the forgiveness I had
that was the love I had taught
if only.......

____________________________________________________________________
As I looked around
all I saw was misery
nothing else to be found
It was no fantasy

Sigh

I miss jb nuff said

If only.....

Its a new beginning.
It's been a while since I updated this. I can't be bothered at times.
I wonder sometimes about several things;
A) Who are we perceived in life?
B) Am I significant in life?
C) If I could turn back time what would I change?
D) What would happen if I had a girlfriend?

Everyone thinks they're significant in some way, some more significant than others. I don't deem myslef significant but if that was the case I won't be living now will I?
Who are we? We are nobodies in life. A fly on the wall. A fly who just zooms in and out, whenever we need people or are needed our time to shine comes if not we just will be there for the time being.
Life is simple. It shouldn't be complicated. I have but no regrets. I won't change my course of life for anything. Why change anything though? You learn trough mistakes and eventually grow.
What would happen if I had a girlfriend? That I do not know. I dream to know but I know its quite impropable.

May the force be with you

From wtiting my own novel to writing my own blog to something even more. Wow .... so cool.
I wonder where to start.
I had a great week. So good, I don't even know where to start.
But I'll leave it here; and perhaps the one thing that hits me is that its time to leave the old and start the new.

Patience

Patience is virtue. I just learnt that.
Patience can make the hardest things easy and the easy things simpler. Patience is so important in life, yet no one has it, every one needs it. I need it. Patience can makes every thing that seems so distant merely a reach away and everything a reach away next to you.

I am a chess player, still playing still learning. For a year or so, I have been playing. I have been playing with a target that seemed so distant. Yet after a long while this target seemed nothing to me. So all one needs is patience, and one shall be rewarded.